When's the last time you heard it like zis?

- White T’s and White Belts Redux: Thanks to everyone that came out to the White T’s and White Belts jump-off this past Saturday. That shit really couldn’t have gone any better. Shit was packed all damn night, everyone I talked to seemed to have a good time, and Dan and I didn’t mess up too many of our mixes. Big ups to all my peoples that came in from out of town; to my man Bo who held down the door something serious; and super, huge, animal-thug shouts go out to urryone that was stuck in the line outside for hours because the old dude at the door was a pussy and thought the place had reached capacity at like 11:15. But, yeah, if you weren’t there, you done fucked up… but there will be more in the near future so be there next time. You won’t regret it.

- Steroid Shmeroid: All the steroid nonsense in baseball is pretty old news, but Bill Simmons is pretty consistently funny as well as insightful. Of course, this article from ESPN the magazine is no exception.

- E’eryone’s New Favorite White Boy: Peep HoustonSoReal’s Matt Sonzola interviewing Paul Wallabout a year ago. Also, Devin the Dude show in NYC on Wednesday. See you thurr.

- Malcolm X Yes Homo?: Hm. Malcolm X might’ve been gay? Interesting.

- Castillo vs Corrales: I’ma try to find some time at work today to watch this Castillo vs Corrales fight. EDIT: I ain't fixing to watch this shit. It's 610 megs or something. If you can find the time to DL it, do it, but I ain't about to download 610 megs of shit onto my work computer.

- Certified Bananas: These dudes got that work. Dope mixes. They gonna hold me down at work today. Bringing headphones to work was the best idea I ever jacked from my cubicle mates.

- My Favorite Blog: Seriously, I know I throw around the “my favorite blog” tag a lot, but Steven Shaviro’s blog really is my favorite. Peep this shit about Spike Lee’s film “She Hate Me” and how it sucks… yet, it’s still good. As always, provocative stuff from Professor Shaviro.

- Breath, Stretch, Shake, Let it go: From Dr. Robert’s blog, if you needed another reason to like Selma Hayek, apparently she’s remarkably flexible. Sweet bro!

- Good Writing: The Poetry Society of America blog (which is actually just one dude, I think) is my shit. Peep this.

-e

You don't know n'an...

- My Boss Got Fired: So, the only reason I’ve got this job is because my friend’s ex-girl friend got it for me. She was a Marketing Manager here. She was cool as shit and I thought she was doing a pretty damn good job. Turns out I was somewhat on the wrong side since she was abruptly fired two days ago. Shit is suddenly really weird. I’ve been assured that my job is not in jeopardy, but it’s still disconcerting to be here without her here. Wack. I hate corporate America. It’s quite soulless. Anyway, I’ve got a lot of work to do now that she’s gone so not much time to blog.

- More White T’s and White Belts Madness: Go over to the shrimp to download my White T’s and White Belts mix.

- Neal Pollock on the Suns: Here’s Neal Pollock telling us how the Suns saved the NBA… and getting paid for it no less. I suppose after the Suns second loss at home, we must ask how they’re going to save themselves.

- My homie: My homie Heather Morton is showing her drawings May 27th at "Skate Nerds Minnow" on 6th and Bainbridge in Philly. BYOB. 8PM. I'ma try to stop through. You should, too.

- Freeway Interview: Freeway sounds like an idiot a lot of the time in this interview. Luckily for him, he can rap way better than he can interview. I cannot wait for his album. I am confident that it will thoroughly destroy me.

-e

Hm.

- Funniest Animated Gif ever: BAHAHAHA!

- Common comes out (no homo): Common comes out as a heterosexual. Suspect.

- Ashton and shit: I can’t front: I’d love to hang out with Ashton Kurcher. That dude is hilarious. Seems like a bit of a cokehead, but he’s hilarious. this new reality show that he’s executive producing looks funny too and I might actually watch it.

- Holy Cow: So, this kid’s blog lead to the arrest of killer. Fucking nutty.

- Dip Set! We the only movement movin’!: Um… What’s really good? Shit is silly.

-Not A Good Day at the Office: Walked into the bathroom this morning at work only to see a huge cockroach on the floor and I ran away like a little girl because that thing was fucking huge and scared the shit out of me. I hope I don’t have to use the bathroom ever again. And I just got the following email from one of my co-workers: “A suspicious package was found outside the building and a 4 block radius has been closed off. Staff who have not already entered the office are not able to do so for the present and for smokers – well we should plan on not going outside for some time.” Great. I hope that shit isn’t a bomb. I’m in no mood to die today.

-e

Coming through your projects with shiny objects

- MVP and Race: Some MVP stuff? Well, god damn Steve Nash looked like the MVP last night with that insane triple-dub, but if they lose this series (which it doesn’t look like they will), I think it’d be reasonable to question the MVP selection for dude. I like how Bill Simmons is riding for Iverson so hard, but really, the MVP has gotta be Shaq. He’s just too dominant on both ends of the floor and is clearly the first player in the world everyone in the world would pick first in a pick-up game. Nash is the popular opinion because he’s the underdog and he’s real likable, and frankly, I’m happy he won the thing, but you’re kidding yourself if you think Shaq isn’t the MVP. To shift gears a bit, I find the race issues surrounding the voting pretty interesting, though. Jason Whitlock restates that it’s not unreasonable to consider that race might’ve been a factor in the decision and Bill Simmons echoes his sentiment in his May 17 post. I mean, dudes, nobody is saying “Yo, Steve won because he’s white!” they’re just saying that we should consider that it factored in there a little bit and that it’s worth talking about. It’s NEVER EVER EVER A MISTAKE TO TALK ABOUT RACE. NEVER EVER EVER. In other news, ex-blood Stephen Jackson still refuses to wear blue-- except when he’s on court I guess seeing as that his team’s away jersey is navy blue. Should dude really be waving his red flag around like that so boisterously? I mean, dude, you already don’t have the best image in the league and people like my pops think you’re just some worthless street thug. All you’re doing is confirming his suspicions about all these thugged out NBA players. At least PRETEND like you’re past those days or get a tat of a butterfly on your grill or something. SOMETHING. Sure you’re not “bangin’” anymore and I respect your loyalty and blahzay blah, but dude, come on. In still other NBA news, free darko is my new favorite blog.

- ”This isn’t Iowa!”: Catch me at my people’s Reggaeton night “Está Bien” tonight at the Silk City Lounge. This is one of the only Reggaeton nights in Philly and from what I hear, shit is poppin’ and the Borica bad land and K-town mamis come through. Holler at me, ma! Read the Philadelphia Weekly article ‘bout the jawn right here. I’ma be bringin’ the cutest jawn up in that piece, though (but don’t watch me, watch tv). Buhleedat.

- Star Wars: Yeah so Star Wars opened up last night. I’m trying to force myself to care. I hear it’s not that bad… or in fact (despite silly things like writing and acting) it’s quite good. Eh, but I’m still having a hard time caring. This is pretty funny, but not nearly as funny as this which might be the funniest Star Wars-related thing I’ve ever read. Somebody got a vid-clip to the Triumph routine from the last Star Wars jawn where he’s clowning all them fools that were waiting for the number 2 to come out? Heh. I just said “waiting for number 2 to come out.” Poop.

- Pop Culture is GOOD: Steven Shaviro is off to the races again, killing it. Read about Steven Johnson’s book “Everything Bad is Good For You: How Today’s Popular Culture is Actually Making Us Smarter” and Shaviro’s thoughts on it. Really interesting stuff.

- That Ready Rock: I’m reading a book about one of the great tragedies of the past three decades. Gary Webb’s book “Dark Alliance” which tells the harrowing story of how the CIA secretly funded right-wing Latin American guerrillas by supporting the drug dealing endeavors here in the US. Shit is fucking tragic and is a huge reason why crack became such a fucking out-of-hand epidemic in ghettoes across America. Fuck this fucking country and fuck Ronald Reagan.

- David Cross: David Cross is a bit on the overrated side of things (note: His Mr. Show partner Bob Odenkirk went to Southern Illinois which is where I attend(ed) grad school), but this pitchfork diss thing is pretty funny. Thanks to the stencil for the linkage.

- What’s really Dude?: Dude, don diva promoter Roxy Cottontail is single-handedly making Manhattan a cooler place by doing shit like this. Devin the Dude in NYC? Houston-stand-the-fuck-up!

-e

...[and I like] long walks on short tangents...

- The Blog Is Vacant: You may have noticed that I haven’t been feeling very bloggy these days. If you have indeed noticed, that means you come here too much. If you haven’t, that means you don’t come here enough. Either way, you’re the one doing something wrong and not me. That being said, today I will continue with my non-bloggy ways by simply linking you to some old archived things I posted on this blog that nobody has read except for the three people that visited my blog in its incipient moments (those three people I think were Rollie, my brother, and the poop-head girl I was dating at the time). But, before we get to my brilliant ramblings of the early days (i.e. like 6 months ago), I would like to post some random thoughts I’ve had recently. Off we go:

• The phrase “no pain, no gain” never made much sense to me when people were talking about losing weight. It was always hard for me to fathom that the word “gain” meant “lose weight” in that context.

• I saw an advertisement on the way to work today that said “Whole grain controls hunger.” Oh word? Isn’t that just a delusory way of saying “Whole grain is filling”? The fuck is wrong with people?

• Every day, I promise myself that today will be the day that I finally start drinking the two liters of water a day I should be drinking, and yet every day, I fail to do so. Why is it so hard for me to drink water? It’s not like I drink a lot of soda. What’s wrong with me?

• I’ve noticed that I’m somewhat attracted to men that I feel resemble me (no homo): Brad Pitt, Ben Stiller, 50 Cent, etc. I think this is an advanced form of narcissism. I’m proud of it.

• I’m fucking hilarious.

• I’ve never really been “in love.”

• I am probably one of the top 20 text messagers in the world. Seriously. I am profound, charming, and hilarious in a brief manner. It’s incredible.

• I’m a big fan of busy work. It gives the rest of my day real worth.

• I feel like I'm imprisoned in a perpetual state of always-needing-a-hair-cut-ness. It's infuriating.

I guess that’s enough for now. Now on to the archived stuff.

- Here’s a post about why the Deer Hunter is great but Michael Cimino is an idiot. The title of the post is—appropriately— “Michael Cimino is an idiot.” Serg calls me a “racist” in the comments section. It’s an inside joke.

- Here’s a post about the movie “Titticut Follies” that you’ve probably never seen and probably never will see, but read the post because I’m smart and I think it’s important. Peep the picture of the director. He looks a bit like a treasure troll. I once made out with a girl that my homeboy referred to as “Bitter beer face.” He was astoundingly accurate.

- Here’s a post about Taryn Simon’s photography exhibit entitled “The Innocents” about wrongfully convicted felons. Heart-breaking, breath-taking, and other adjectives that I use too often. Shit’s really good though.

- Here’s a post about Tom Penny and why he’s one of the best skaterboard-dude-heads ever. Disagree with it and die. Somebody gets all pissy at me in the comments section because my “Tom Penny is to skateboarding what Rakim is to rap” spiel. I guess the comparison wasn’t doing it for him. Well, fuck off.

- Here’s my Top Ten from 2004 that found its way onto my buddy Cosmo Baker’s mailing list.

Amen.

-e

um, my office should really turn on its air-conditioning...

- Never too early for promo: Me and my boy Dan The Swede are throwing a party at the Ruba Memorial Day weekend. This shit is gonna be stupid hot so come. It’s worth mentioning however that if you suspect that you might not be welcome there, you probably aren’t welcome. Feel me? But, to the rest of y’all mugs, come the fuck through and holler at your peoples.

- More Record Collecting Nerdery: Somebody linked me to this shit about the self-proclaimed “King of Record Collectors” Joe Bussard after reading my lil’ (i.e. big) post about the book “Vinyl Junkies.” Peep.

- Class in America: The New York Times’s first piece on a series about class in America. Should be fun.

- Knowmore Launch: Knowmore.org launched on Friday. It’s an important website. Peep and contribute and purchase wisely.

- Mixtape Madness: I got the Caps And Jones mixtape “Moving in Stereo”over the weekend and it’s real dope. It’s a bit on the ADD side (I don’t think any song runs for more than a minute) but there’s a lot of fun blends and mixes. Real dope stuff. I got a copy of Low Budget’s “Obey” mix and that shit is hot as eff, too. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t more excited about this shit, though.

-e

Let me take time to brush my shoulders off...

I didn't post yesterday, today is gonna be brief, and I probably won't post tomorrow... Let me live... let me breathe. Be back on Monday with that crack. Until then...

- I declare that Rick is mentally insane, and he is my father: Holy shit these rap translations are hilarious.

- Go White Boy!: Damn. Dude killed it. Go Pacers. Fuck you, Larry Brown.

- Records: Go read this shit I wrote about record collecting and Brett Milano’s “Vinyl Junkies” on the shrimp.

-e

My chin up, my chest out...

- Basketball Stuff: I jacked most of these from here which is my new favorite blog.

----------holyshit: Yeah, the Rockets lost the series, but holy shit.

----------holymoly: Peep Josh Smith blocking the shit out of D-Wade’s dunk. So real. His ADD is out of control though. Peep the segment with Willis pushing his head into the huddle o’er and o’er.

----------bamf: A story about AI performing x-men-inspired, miraculous, athletic feats.

----------tragedy: A talented Philly young bol randomly died playing street ball

- Another Hot Flyer: As catchdubs said about the flyer, “this shit is epic.” True that.

- Happy Birthday Young Bol!: Happy Birthday goes to my young bol David. Dude is 22. He’s a smarter, more charismatic version of me. He listens to a bit too much southern rap and a bit too much bubble gum pop, but overall, he’s a likable guy.

- Who Needs Intestines and Stomach Lining?: This sounds yummy but also a bit overboard.

- Comedians and Hate Speech: Interesting thoughts about comedy and hate speech over on poplicks. I like this Junichi guy.

- DANCE DANCE DANCE: I finally finished Haruki Murakami’s “Dance Dance Dance” and it’s so fucking good. Read it now. It’s so fucking god damn good. It’s heartbreakingly optimistic about the infinite possibilities and potential and linkages of postmodern life. Sure, it’s skeptical about where late capitalism is taking us (as it should be), but it’s also unabashedly human, finding a great deal of value and basic “authenticity” (i.e. love, friendship, human connections, etc) in a world that has been robbed of basically all forms of this “authenticity.” Such a fucking beautiful book. I think it’s my new favorite book. Read it now.

- Vinyl Junkies: I also finished Brett Milano's "Vinyl Junkies" today-- a book about nerdy record collectors. I'll post about it on theshrimp tomorrow. Just let me say right now that, yeah, it's entertaining and interesting... but nothing spectacular. More tomorrow.

-e

I leave 'em froze...

- FINALLY!: New doomtree website. Them's my peoples.

- Penguins: This is funny. Suprising that these penguins were in SF? EDIT: NEVERMIND, THIS IS JUST A SF ARTICLE. I find it absolutely fascinating that penguins are monogamous. Kind’ve ironic that there was Chlamydia outbreak recently, huh?

- Feeling Guilty About Mother’s Day Responsibilities?: This was brought to my attention via my man Bo Bliz. If your mom is pissed at you for not getting her a good enough present on Mother’s day, just forward her this article and tell her to count her blessings.

- Butterflies are Gangsta: So, the Game got a tat of a butterfly on his mug. I should probably say “no homo” now, but, uh, I’ma just let it slide, let it slide, let it slip on by.

- No Homo: Speaking of “no homo,” here’s a basic run down of the “no homo” debate. Heh.

- Amerie Interview: Armand’s was sold out of the promo “Touch” LPs this weekend. Weak. Somebody yousendit me the album after they read this interview.

- Another Berube Anecdote: Click.

- Best Films of the ‘90s: This is a bit on the old side, but Norbizness posted a list of the best films of the ‘90s. Some agreements here, but some disagreements, too. Hating on “Magnolia” is silly, though. Apparently, Kevin Smith wasn’t too fond of the flick either, but fuck it, that movie’s hot. I like the expression “Sweet Christmas!”

- Game Over: I will be here. Drunk out of my mind.

- More Rockism Shit: Thanks to david, more Rockism shit to debate with an interesting (but lengthy) discussion afterwards.

-e

I'm giving all I've got and that's all I've got to give...

- Breastfeeding Essentials: Yes. Yes. This is essential.

-e

Nobody cares what I think so I drink...

- OH HELL NO!!: Fuck that bitch, dude. Seriously. Let her go. Don't do this.

- Myspace: For some reason, I can’t log into myspace this morning. It’s probably just some “routine maintenance” garbage but it’s also probably a blessing in disguise. Hopefully, they never let me back on that shit. That shit is nothing but trouble. Fuck myspace. M, hit me with an email at emilnassar at the yahizzoo dot cizzom if myspace doesn’t get on and poppin’.

- emynd Hurting Your Ears at North: Barring a minor disaster, I should be DJing at North Bar and Lounge (222 South St) tonight, covering my main man Brendan Bringem’s weekly Thursday jawn called “Easy.” No cover, no dress code with non-stop hip-hop, dancehall, funk, soul, and $2 Newcastles (hopefully). Everyone is invited except my ex’s. NEVERMIND

- Cinco de Mayo: 5 pesos says you didn’t know the history of cinco de Mayo. If you did, well, bueno for tu.

- Chappelle Show Delay: Did I mention that I saw Dave Chappelle strolling along Madison Avenue a couple weeks ago? He’s taller than I would’ve suspected. Anyway, bad news about the third season. Weak.

- I’m a Hustler Remix with Mary J: How fucking BAD is this song? I bought the Killah Kuts white label on some impulse buy shit and it’s fucking atrocious. Cassidy sucks. Mary doesn’t add anything to the fucking song and the shit just all around sucks. The beat is the same as it ever was but I’m just fucking sick of it by now and—did I mention— fucking Cassidy fucking sucks. Anybody that plays this shit sucks. Go away.

- Gonna be in London May 9?: If so, go to this Dax Pierson fundraiser featuring DJ sets by Mogwai folk, Super Furry Animal folk, Chris Cunningham, Four Tet, and more. If you don’t know about what happened to Dax, click to find out. Have I ever mentioned how much I love Mogwai? “Come On Die Young” is epic. They put on the best show I’ve ever seen, too.

- Incessant Napping: My inability to keep my eyes open on the train is preventing me from finishing this Haruki Murakami’s book “Dance Dance Dance.” I just discovered his website however which seems to have a lot of interesting articles and interviews to read

- Cop Shoots Himself In Foot: This video is exactly what you’re hoping it is.

- I chill with the coppers: JR Writer is one focused kid.

- Book of Duderonomy: I’m the dude. Peep this IM convo between Serg and a friend in NH:

BP: I have a crew of people that been coming out every week to see me so thats helping because I am pretty much the only person playing there that gets people out just to see them play and I broke away from the sound everyone else was playing and brought in hip hop and mashup type shit and rock and what not and got people checking for that, that emynd modest mouse shit is huge there, he needs to put that on vinyl
Serg: ha really?
BPt: yeah I played it once because I really liked it and it got really good feeback and now its a staple, shit it even passed random black dude who always trainspots my records test, dude never dances he heard that shit and lost it and started doing a wierd ass air guitar dance

As Buck 65 said before he turned into an idiot, “Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful, hate me because I’m good at everything.”

It’s sad really.

I am good at literally everything.

-e

I ain't never scared... (ed: But I am, however, always tired)

- Train: Maybe I only find this funny because I take a train to work every day (not Amtrak, but still), and these god damn fuckers are raising my already exorbitant train fee of $291 a month to a fucking insane $320 a month. ARGH! There's even a nod to Adorno in that lil' infographic. Hot. Anyway, if you take NJ Transit, click here to find out how much your shit’s fixing to increase. Fuck.

- Damn: This is why my parents love my brother and sister more than me.

- That boy got that crack!: History of crack and rap.

- That pesky Bible thing is so hard to interpret!: Turns out, 666 ain’t so bad after all.

- Think you’re broke?: Enter your income here and think again.

- Rap Nerds: All these rap nerd herbs are flipping over this A-trak meets Dip-Set shit as if it’s next level and amazing and breaking down hip-hop’s sub-genres or something when in reality all it is is people finally giving themselves permission to like Dipset shit because there’s a scratch nerd involved (a white one at that). Let’s be honest, the beat isn’t that crazy (nor is it particularly un-Dipset like) and the Dips (the bench warmers) just do what they do as per usual. So, there’s no real reason to like this particular song and dislike other Dipset shit… except for the fact that there’s a scratch nerd involved (a white one at that). I mean, don’t get me wrong. I’m all for collabs like this. It just irks me when folks who previously hated Dipset shit finally give themselves permission to like it now that these “gangsta rappers” that they previously thought stunk are suddenly cool because they’re getting paid for 16s by a scratch nerd (a white one at that). A-trak is pretty fucking insane on the turntables though isn’t he? Dude is sick.

- Gang Gang Dance: I’m really excited about this record. Anybody cop it yet?

- Mash Out Posse: Let’s hope that M.O.P.’s departure from the Roc doesn’t mean they will stop rapping on Just Blaze beats.

- Whipped Cream Lady: If your claim to fame was being a lady covered in whip cream on an inexplicably popular easy listening album, you’d pimp it, too. Believe me. Her impressionistic paintings try to be really happy but they strike me as quite sad. Especially this one which is obviously based on the Herb Alpert cover. Anyway, she’s still quite a pretty lady. Get that dough, ma.

- Some dude’s art: Here’s a good article about some Canadian dude named Caesar and his cool computer art. Shit’s kinda derivative at times with some clichéd surrealistic imagery(not that I know anything about that shit), but I still think it’s hot.

- The Parlor: This short film is really quite funny.

Kangol buckets, pin-strip Lees

- Ricky Gervas’ Top 10s: Ricky Gervas (David Brent from “The Office”) hits you with his top ten sitcoms of all timeand his top 5 albums. He’s also got a children’s book out.

- The River Is Too Deep To Ford: Damn. Remember this game? Whew. That shit takes me back to like 3rd grade. You can download a playable version of this classic game right here.

- Kanye is a Self-Procalimed “Biter”: Maybe Kanye’s not the egomaniac we all assume him to be. Here we find ol’ boy paying respect to one of the greats and basically calling himself a “biter.”

- The Rise of Disaster Capitalism: An interesting article by Naomi Klein. Doesn’t “Naomi Klein” sound like the name of a designer or a model and not some uber-leftist journalist? Anyway, it’s a good article.

- Boobs, Brew, Blades, and Beauty: Yesterday I posted a link to my homegirl Heather’s naked paintings of herself and today I’ma link you to some pics of my home girl only to be known as “Golden Eagle Thunder” winning a White Trash Beauty Pageant. She won a hundred bucks and all she had to do was get topless, get her eagle on, lick another girl’s boob, swing around her switchblade, and win an arm wrestling match. All in a day’s work! Anyway, we’re proud of her here at Schizophrenic Tenant and would like to say good job, Golden Eagle Thunder! She’s the homie and is truly a unique individual. Check out the pics if you’re inclined to do so. Needless to say, they’re not work safe… but nothing fun is.

- Euro Honkeys Ain’t Never Scared: Skip Bayless with another good article. This time it’s about European white ballers like Manu Ginobili and how they play a different brand of basketball than American white kids ‘cause they aren’t raised to fear the big dunking black men. Interesting.

- Dance Dance Dance: I’m reading Haruki Murakami’s “Dance Dance Dance” right now and it’s fucking great. I can totally see why people compare him to DeLillo and Pynchon (what with all the postmodern stuff and all the Baudrillardian simulacrum stuff) but he strikes me as a little bit more fun to read than the both of them (not that I’ve read much of Pynchon). Anyway, I’ll let you know when I’m done but as for right now, read it. It’s good.

-e

BVDs over the white Ts.

- Brilliant: This is a brilliant re-cap of the Washington Bullets/Wizards’s past quarter century. It’s dumb funny.

- The Whole Byrd Gang is Here: Everyone’s favorite flamboyant rap crew (aka the new Wu) has inked a huge deal with Warner. Dipset is fixing to take over the world and I ain’t mad. Jim Jones says this about his new album: “I pretty much surprised myself on this one” (HAH!); and Juelz funded his “Mic Check” video with his own $20,000. New dip-set shit over on Rollie and Aaron’s site.

- NBA Play-Offs: So the two series that I cared least about are (Nets/Miami, Grizz/Suns) over, which is good. And the two that I cared most about (Sixers/Pistons, Sonics/Kings) are all but over. Sixers are pretty much done and my denial has been overridden as the reality seeps in that they are just not the better team. These stupid 7 game series do a good job of always letting the better team win… and that sucks in situations like this. Anyway, Igoudala needs to step the fuck up next year but at least Chris Weber is finding his groove. He’s still soft as fuck, but whatever. Sonics are looking pretty good. Allen lit up the Kings for 45. That’s what’s really. How the fuck did the Celtics win by 30? I hate those guys. And why is Mark Cuban blogging about the death of the CD when his Mavs are in the most exciting (and weird) series?

- Bizzy Bone is a Genius: I know this whole Bizzy bone shit is sooooo last week, but am I the only one that thinks Bizzy Bone is a genius after his antics on Damage Control? I think dude is on some Ghostface level of insane genius shit. Dude is killing it in the interview and his new song right after the interview is so fucking hot. Download the mp3 and peep the shit. It’s definitely a bit scary at times but dude is really killing it. I have no idea what he’s talking about when he says shit about “getting signed to B2K” though. That shit makes no sense… but is nonetheless BRILLIANT!

- Important News about Toads: My homegirl put me up on this shit about exploding toads. Weird.

- Minotaurs and shit: I can’t wait for this shit to go horribly wrong so weird minotaurs and other half-human/half-animal things can roam the earth and scare the living shit out of me.

- Visit My Friends: Go to my friend Heather’s website to peep some of her art work (you can see her naked), and/or go to my boy Jayson’s website to peep some of his artwork (he’s got a thing for penises (no homo)). They’re both talented people who don’t think I’m an idiot.

- Whoops!: Did anyone even realize that April was National Poetry Month? Whoever is in charge of marketing that shit should be fired because I didn’t hear a squeak about that shit… not that I would’ve cared, but I might’ve posted a weekly poem or two on this stupid site just for the sake of supporting. Anyway, here’s some poems by David Berman, singer/song-writer of The Silver Jews (note: this album is good, but a fucking 9.9?! Jesus!). He’s great. Read all five of them as penance for totally not even realizing that April was National Poetry Month.

- Moment of Zen: On the way to work today I saw a duck dunking his head under the water, showing me his bum. That’s like the cutest shit ever. They’re probably just looking for food or cooling off or something, but got damn that shit’s cute.

-e