We was just practicin'...

- This Tweekend: Super fun weekend up at The Rub in Toronto. Me, my dude Bo, and my dudettes jerseyfresh and trigger hollered at some above-the-border action and got super faded on Friday night while being assaulted with lovely music provided by these dudes. Shit was an insanely good time. My man Bo knows how to get it in. Click here for the pictures (I look all fucked up in these pictures for some reason—like I’ve got a lazy eye or some shit) or just click here, here, and here to see my boy visibily-drunk-Bliz actin’ a fool and taking Petey Pablo literally when he said “Take your shirt off and spin it around your head like a helicopter.”

- Paul Shirley: My brother put me up on this dude Paul Shirley who has a blog on the Phoenix Suns webpage. He’s been a player in the NBA for something like 4 years and has played for 11 teams. Jesus. Anyway, his blog is pretty funny; chockfull of sarcasm and self-deprecation. Dude is killing it here, here, and here.

- Scott Matelic vs Radiohead: My producer-extraordinaire dude (and soon-to-be-roommate) Scott Matelic has a remix of Radiohead’s “I Will” on Coke Machine Glow for download. Like everything Scott does, it’s great: calculated, somewhat brooding and melancholy, powerful with it’s understated simplicity. Scott also doesn’t push the issue and force the song to be some epic that it’s not (he lets it clock in at under 3 minutes). Great stuff. Direct link here.

- Hov in the NYT: Linking stuff like this seems kinda useless because you probably already know about it, but uh, here it is anyway: somebody talking about Hov in the NYT.

- Fuck You Hurricane Katrina: If Hurricane Katrina did this to the Superdome, I can only imagine what it did to Magnolia housing projects and the like. Fuck.

- Mo’ ‘Ye: Pitchfork liked the Kanye record a whole lot, Rollie didn’t, having the gall to call a review “unacceptable.” The fuck? Anyway, I’m way more on Pitchfork’s side than Rollie’s (even though the Pitchfork review isn’t far from giving all of the credit to Jon Brion). Rollie’s criticism is this:

kanye talks about smoking weed and getting head like any other commercial rapper but because he balances it with half-hearted talk about conflict diamonds and poorly constructed metaphors and those rhymes that don't actually rhyme (ie: that whole song 'celebration': "why you actin' all shy and all?/ why is y'all lyin' for?/...right now i need you to mute all the monologue/ all that talkin' is gone give me a tylenol"), he's the rapper du jour. this guy is fucking shitty at rapping and his beats are, for the most part, relatively uninspired. it doesn't take a fucking producer to hear that even if 'drive slow' is one of the only good songs, the chop is totally off and the sample was flipped 300 times better on 2pac's 'shorty wanna be a thug'.

Well, well, well, Mr. Big Shot, that’s just like, your opinion, man! To put it simply: Kanye does not just talk about “smoking weed and getting head like any other commercial rapper,” he does it in a much more candid and hilarious manner. When he’s bragging about these things, it’s completely different than someone like Fat Joe bragging about these things precisely because of the character that we know Kanye to be: an insecure goofball, rap nerd who doesn’t find it necessary to subscribe to the “I’m a conscious rapper” vs “I’m a gangsta rapper” dichotomy; who loves music at least as much as he loves himself; and who isn’t afraid to be cheesy and take some risks. In my humble opinion, it works spectacularly well on this album. By the way, I’m a producer and I think “Drive Slow” is perfectly produced. But, again, Rollie is a man who loves Necro and thinks “Santana’s Town” is the worst song of 2004. So, hey, I'm just bound to disagree with this guy, I think.

- Shaviro + BEE + Abel: Steven Shaviro speaks about Bret Easton Ellis’s new book Lunar Park right here and briefly here. An old professor of mine (probably the best teacher I ever had), Mr. Marco Abel posits some thoughts about the negative reviews that BEE almost always gets right here. Suffice it to say that I really wanna read this book now. If you haven’t read American Psycho, do so immediately.

- Speaking of Books: Did I mention that I recently finished Franklin Foer’s How Soccer Explains the World: An Unlikely Theory of Globalization? It’s pretty cute. It takes specific soccer stories (often rivalries or depictions of the fanatical fans) as a microcosm that represents larger problems in the world. It’s certainly interesting to read some of the histories of certain teams and how it relates and/or parallels the politics of the country, but one gets the feeling that Mr. Foer is greatly over-simplifying for effect. I’m not a historian so I’ll spare you the specifics but suffice it to say that I find the ease with which Mr. Foer links soccer and a country’s larger political and/or economic problems to be a bit too smooth. I don’t doubt that there is a certain “political unconscious” embodied in the game of soccer that necessarily reflects the reality of any given situation, but I feel like Foer overstates the parallels without allowing for the contradictions to have any real space. Likewise, the conservative in Mr. Foer seems to get the better of him at times: he is so pro-globalization and pro-nationalism that, more often than not, he finds himself excusing the negative aspects of these concepts in a rather silly manner (saying things like, “Well, if it weren’t for globalization, I probably wouldn’t ever have been exposed to international soccer and grown to love it. So, globalization can’t be all bad!”). It is however a fun read and it is well-researched and equally well-written. Just don’t take it too seriously. I’m currently readingLife on the Outside: The Prison Odyssey of Elaine Bartlett by Jennifer Gonnerman. All I can say about it right now is this: Fuck the Rockefeller drug laws.

- Last But Not Least: Oh shit. Another White Ts and White Belts is ready for lift-off this weekend. This time it’s on Friday. So, go to First Fridays, look at some art, then drink away your pain with us. We will, we will, rock you… rock you. Seriously. I’ve got some bangers up my sleave. Shit’s gonna be stupid hot.

-e

Come on homie we major.

- Holy Moly: Holy cow HollertronixVoilatronix was fun. I danced like a drunken middle eastern boy… probably because I was an extremely drunken half-middle eastern boy, but whatever. Shit was so fun, though. Spankrock’s one-song set was so necessary. The skipping Serato during Spank’s set was not necessary, but I think I was the only one that noticed. He killed it. Lowbudget killed it. The B-more dudes killed it, too. I killed it the most by dancing with almost every girl I’ve ever known in Philly. Fun times.

- Recent Keyword Activity: So, this is how someone found my site: by googling “What does dipset mean ebonics.” Awesome.

- RIP Bob Moog: Genuine RIP wishes go out to Mr. Bob Moog.

- Late Registration: Don’t Believe the Hate: Quite a few people are hating on Kanye’s new record and it’s pretty annoying. Sure, he’s probably not a dude you’d really want to hang out with, but this record is pretty fucking flawless as far as I’m concerned. But, beyond the mindless hate (can you believe that there are seriously people who want to criticize Kanye’s newly expressed pro-homo stance?!) you’ll find extremely interesting readings like the dude noz’s criticism who says the following about the record on a messagaeboard:

i think it's just too overwhelming. in production and in content he just tries to do too much and loses me. i found myself feeling like "ok... when is he going to start rapping again?" way too much….i honestly believe that the best hip hop productions are exercises in minimalism, because they allow they allow a good rapper to take charge of the track. and (perhaps to to compensate for his failures as a rapper?) kanye strives for the opposite. he has some potential as a writer and has improved in the flow department, but you have to listen really hard to notice. he needs to give himself room to breathe. the complexity of his drum programming also comes into play here….i think kanye's process (and andre, mos def, and whatever "post rap" stars) is flawed in assuming that a great hip hop record is one that also subscribes to the traditional goals of musicality. sure, there are overlaps (organized noize comes to mind), but suceeding on one front doesn't automatically go hand and hand with the other.

Frankly, I love noz’s reading of the record. It’s extremely well-thought out, energetic, articulate, and completely understandable. Yet and still, I disagree with it pretty strongly. Certainly, you get the feeling that Kanye wanted the album to be sonically “overwhelming”—almost every track is extremely full with instrumentation, percussion, or dramatic/anthematic crooning, but to me, it works. It is quite apparent to me that Kanye wanted to prove himself to be a “musician” with this album with intense tracks like “Major” and “Gone” which are anything but “exercises in minimalism.” “Major” pounds with a crowded fury of horns that plunge in and out while the hard stability of the percussion in “Gone” are juxtaposed with the impatient, ever-changing string of loops that weave through the song. So, while I can certainly understand noz’s reading here (and furthermore, I have a great deal of respect for this reading), I just can’t find myself to agree that the music is somehow unsuccessful. Surely, I’d be annoyed if this album inspired rap to suddenly start “subscribing to the traditional goals of musicality,” but (a) I really don’t see that happening and (b) as a rap album that attempts to “subscribe to the traditional goals of musicality” (which are, for the most part, typically rock&roll goals), I’d say that this album is very successful in reaching these goals in a lurid and passionate way. I will concede that this album seems to feel more “important” than it probably is (and perhaps should be), but I think the album is great.

- Knives and Slaps and Basketball: Even if you don’t like basketball and don’t know who David Harrison is (frankly, I don’t), go read this.

-e

I got my mom still thinkin' her boy good...

How's the new look?



- Partaaaaaaaaay!: Come to Filo’s tonight and watch me DJ. My boys from Cali are fixing to be in town and we’re gonna be getting it in all weekend. It’s not obnoxiously hot out, Filo’s has got some cheap beers for that ass, and I’m gonna be rocking that gutter hip-hop, dancehall, r&b shit until you fall-out and holler at a drunk person’s private parts. Basically you have no excuse to not come holler at me. So, do yourself a favor and do the damn thing. Shit’ll be fun. 408 South 2nd Street. Just north of South Street. Come holler.

- Hah!: Dancing on graves is really underrated... especially if a Satanist is doing the dancing.

- Beastiality Gone Wrong: Turns out beastiality isn’t the safe, healthy alternative to normal, human sex that we all thought it was. Fuck. Every time we reach out to nature and try to remove ourselves from ourselves (sort’ve de-anthropomorphize the world), we get royally screwed (figuratively speaking, of course). The real question is: where do we go from here? Actually, the real REAL question is: how the fuck do you get a horse to fuck you in the ass? It’s hard enough to get a drunk girl to go home with you. Drunk girls at least speak human and can be convinced and/or drugged. But, a fucking horse? Isn’t riding a horse sometimes hard? I mean, don’t they buck and wil’ out and shit? It’s gotta be easier to ride a horse than to get one to ride you, right? Shit. I don’t know whether to be impressed at this dude’s multi-faceted game or disgusted by his ability to neigh his way into intercourse with a fucking HORSE.

- Thank God for Digital Cameras: If you get bored and have a digital camera, I suggest you put some stuff on your cat. It’s weird but (apparently) very necessary.

- Keyshia Cole: Keyshia Cole’s album “The Way It Is” bangs. Don’t believe me? David agrees.

- Capo!: MTV is streaming Jim Jones’ new album here. Peep.

- Real World: Forgot to link the Real World re-cap the other day. I’m so happy I don’t have to watch this stupid show anymore.

-e

Shut up.

- Where’s the Logic?: Ok, peep this portion from the pitchfork review of Buckshot and 9th Wonder’s new album called “Chemistry”:

Albums like Chemistry are written off by a lot of people who don't get down with its retro leanings-- and it certainly doesn't help that 9th Wonder is only a serviceable replacement for those with whom he's compared. His sample selection is tasteful, but someone needs to buy my man some drums. It's a simple question of technique. His predecessors-- Pete Rock, Primo, Large Professor via Paul C (Google "Dave Tompkins Paul C"), and even Boot Camp's own Da Beatminerz--all chopped sampled drums, and the results were full, thick slabs of marbled beats. 9th programs his own, and they are hollow and processed. But, that's how it goes when a snare can be traced and tapped for royalty payments.

What the fuck is this guy talking about? Now, I don’t particularly like 9th Wonder’s drums. In fact, I too think they suck (though I haven’t heard the album in question). But, does this guy really think that (a) 9th isn’t sampling drums and re-programming them the same way Primo and the Beatminerz did and (b) that 9th is choosing to do drums like this because it’s strictly an issue of sample-clearance? Dude, come on! First of all, why the fuck would 9th be worried about the sound of a snare drum but isn’t worried about sampling old soul songs? That just makes no sense what so ever… especially considering that US copyright law only protects melody (I think there are some exceptions to this where if you rock a really identifiable break like “Funky Drummer” you’d have to clear it, but you certainly don’t have to clear random snare hits!) Second of all, I don’t think 9th is sitting in his room constructing snares from scratch on some weird little computer program--I’m quite sure he samples drums just like the rest of us. So, it’s not a matter of 9th either (a) not sampling drums or (b) choosing not to sample drums because of sample clearance issues. It’s just a matter of 9th having a shitty ear for drums (much like Ant). I know this really isn’t that big of a deal and I’m kind of nit-picking this poor guy’s review, but what the fuck?

- Silver Jews: Might as well shout-out something good on pitchfork since I do rather like the place even though it’s really popular to hate it. This Silver Jews interview is quite good. David Berman rules me. I’ve only got American Water but it kicks my butt and I fucking love this record front to back… even the silly instrumental jams.

- Frappuccinos are Big Macs in a Plastic Cup: Jesus fucking Christ. I had one of these at lunch today and it annihilated me. Perhaps that’s because it has more calories than a mother fucking Big Mac. Got damn. The girl I’m seeing (hi!) advised me that there like 600 calories in that bitch but I thought she was exaggerating.

- NERD ALERT: The Skeleton Key: I had no interest in watching this shitty movie (“Wholly devoid of suspense or chills, The Skeleton Key simply bides its time until its big final plot twist, but the filmmakers don't seem to realize that a second-rate twist can't redeem a third-rate fright flick”) until I read this (“I think [The Skeleton Key] provides an answer to the question Steven Shaviro posed a while back in an excellent post on commodity fetishism.”) I probably still won’t watch it because horror movies scare me and I’d imagine K-punk’s reading of the movie is way more interesting than the movie itself but whatever. If you like horror movies and have something to say about commodity fetishism, go watch that shit and holler at me.

- Fuck Saigon: My homeboy Trapper Juan rather likes Saigon but I tend to think he’s a bit overrated. Perhaps it’s not precise to say he’s overrated because I really don’t know how highly he’s even rated. I do know that he’s the first rapper Just Blaze signed to his label and so perhaps I should rephrase my sentiment and just say this: Just Blaze overrates Saigon. I don’t have any huge problem with Saigon as a rapper. He’s simply unspectacular. Or perhaps that’s still unfair. He’s simply unspectacular when standing next to (i.e. rapping on top of) the spectacular beats by Just Blaze. This still isn’t entirely true because I haven’t heard any tracks that Blaze gave Saigon that are really that remarkable. So, perhaps I should only say that Saigon is unspectacular when compared with the work Just Blaze is capable of. But, fuck it I’m rambling about something I don’t really care about. Whatever the case, and whatever my feelings about the man’s music might be, I think we can all agree that he is no position to be dissing rappers like Jadakiss for not being “authentic,” something he does in this interview. My dude Dame over at Cult-Status has the short version with some commentary that I wholly agree with (Let’s be happy Dame is posting regularly in his own blog instead of posting so many thoughts in other blogs’ comments section).

This whole “reality” non-sense in hip-hop is some of the most over-played non-sense ever. To be sure, rappers can benefit from a certain sense of authenticity. After all, as my man faux_rillz is quick to point out, part of what makes rappers like Young Jeezy so interesting as a rapper is his back-story. It’d be foolish to deny that. But, even still, the value of “authenticity” in rap is greatly overstated by folks like Saigon. Tupac is, to this day, by far one of the most respected rappers in the game and yet you could say everything that Saigon is saying about Jadakiss about Tupac. Does that make Tupac’s music any less effective? Does that mean kids can’t relate to it? Does that mean Tupac can’t notice things about this “thug” life and express them in an interesting, provocative, and important manner? If you’ve never sold drugs, are you absolutely incapable of performing the “reality” of selling drugs?

To answer these questions, we have to be honest about the peformative aspect of hip-hop and accept that, no matter what anybody says, it is always and at all times a performance. It’s become a rap cliché to say “I’m not a rapper, I’m a hustler” or something like that, but the obvious ridiculousness of that statement is embedded in the statement itself. And, that’s what’s so great about the Clipse and other hustlers turned rappers who claim that they “aren’t rappers” and that “rap is just an extension of their hustle.” Of course, people are quick to miss the significant “signifyin(g)” moment in that statement, completely ignoring the fact that that statement necessarily doubles as an authenticating device as well as a braggadocios statement: “I’m so good at rapping that I don’t even consider myself a rapper. It’s not what concerns me. It’s just something I do to make money because that’s all I’m about… but shit, I’m pretty darn good at doing something I’m not concerned with, huh? What, you don’t think so? Well why’re you listening to my shit?” In other words, part of what makes the “performance” so effective is insisting that it’s NOT a “performance,” but it’s silly to take this insistence as much more than a clever and useful rhetorical technique. The “street”/”gangsta”/”real” rappers that are most successful realize this (Jay, Beanie, Jeezy, Jadakiss, Snoop, etc) and use this to their advantage: they perform their characters with an aura of authenticity and that aura almost always outweighs the “reality” of that authenticity.

Saigon’s criticisms of Jada are just plain silly and immature and while it’s not uncommon to hear kids in the hood saying “I like so&so because he’s real,” their enjoyment of him has a lot more to do with the perceived “authenticity” in the performance than it does with the actual “authenticity” in the biography—whether these kids are willing to admit that or not doesn’t even matter because there is evidence enough to know that even these kids who insist that a rapper must be “real” know that, at some level, “realness” ain’t enough: a wack rapper is a wack rapper no matter how many people he’s killed, no matter how many pounds of coke he’s moved, and no matter how many times he’s gone to jail. It’s really all about the “performance of reality” (or perhaps even the fantasy of reality) and I think the best “gangsta” rappers are well aware of this. In other words, shut the fuck up, Saigon.

-e

White T's and White Belts: RETURN OF THE MACKS

T'is a very simply math equation:



[(Rap Music) + (Not Rap Music)]/(emynd + BoBliz + DanTheSwede) = (Insane Fun + Possible Sex)



Wear a White T if you like Rap. Wear a White Belt if you like not Rap. Wear both if you want to be a fucking dork. Wear neither because you cannot be easily stereotyped. Whatever.



Come to the beautiful Aqua Lounge (between 3rd and 4th on the north side of Girard Ave) and trade us (Dan the Swede, Bo Bliz, and me) $3 for 4 hours of party-time, excellent. That's less than a dollar an hour. There won't be any of this or this but that's a good thing. Instead, there will be a bunch of people having the opposite thought of this because there will be too much dancing. Drinks are cheap and people of loose morals will be there which means you might get laid... if not, your friends might, and it aint no fun unless your homie gets some. Stop being so selfish. Think about your friend for a change. S/he needs some booty just as much as you do. Jesus.



Please come.



Word on the streets is that superstar DJ LOWBUDGET is gonna swing through and drop a super crazy live ninja asssasin terrorist voltron set. Be there to find out if the streets is lyin'! (hint: they ain't).

-e

Rap is more important than buying crap like food...

- Go DJ: Ok, so, no DJing in NYC this weekend. Turns out we’re doing another White T’s and White Belts party in Philly at the Aqua Lounge (323 W. Girard) this weekend. Definitely come through, you herbs. Don’t be fooled by the “West Girard” address. The Aqua Lounge is between 3rd and 4th on the north side of Girard Avenue. Anyway, Bo Bliz was originally scheduled to replace me (as if replacing me were really possible), but since I’m no longer DJing in NYC, I’ve invited myself to DJ with Bo and the Swede and they’re kind enough to accommodate my bitch ass. Anyway, here’s the flier. It’s fucking awesome. Seriously though, come through. It’s only $3 and will be a good ass time. The Aqua Lounge is a hella nice spot, too. You should also stop by Crossfaded Thursdays at Filo’s tomorrow. Shit will be poppin’ and I just copped a bunch of new reggaeton and shit. Even if you don’t like reggaeton, remember that the girls do. So, if you like girls, you should like reggaeton at least a little bit. Come through.

- Rap and Bull Shit: New R&B shit and new old Saafir shit (Yes, I realize I said “new old”) on the shrimp. Our game’s been tight recently.

- Dead Asian Video Game Player: This dude died from playing video games. Sucks.

- Two Racists Talking: HAHA! Just kidding Aaron. Peep this Buck 65 Interview. It’s quite good.

-e

I'm a Rican Lebanese and I'm eatin....

- DJing: I’m DJing on the dolo-tip at Filo’s this Thursday for “Crossfaded Thursdays.” Definitely come through and holler at some cheap Rolling Rock bottles and/or cheap Pabst pounders. Shit’s been on swole the past few weeks so come early, enjoy the A/C and chill out with your dude. I’m DJing on some boat in Manhattan this weekend with Low Budget this Saturday. That shit should be hot, too. I will murder you.

- Ryan Beck: My dude Ryan Beck has some art posted on this site. Go peep that shit or just click the links here to peep his paintings. He’s really a talented dude. 1, 2, 3, 4,5,6, and 7.

- Impulse Shoe Buy: So, I bought these yesterday for $40. Hah! They look better in person. That doesn’t mean they match anything, but still, they look better in person. I’ma rock ‘em tonight and see what the jawn I’m seeing has to say about ‘em (hi!). I’m expecting the worst.

- The Rub in T. Dot: Bo Blizzy and I are taking a road trip up to Toronto for “The Rub” party up there. Shit should be bonkers. Holler at us if you see us... especially if Bo is scheming on your jawn.

- Random Rap and R&B Thoughts: Aaron Somebody sent me a zip file of "Late Registration." Well, it’s not "Late Registration" (thanks a lot, Aaron somebody!); it’s just a bunch of old shit that some internet dork that has-to-have-everything-first wants to beleive is "Late Registration." Anyway, it’s reminded me that Kanye is really a great producer and is a super creative dude in general. I’m really hype for "Late Registration." I think I’ma cop this Teairra Mari album, too. The “My Melody” jacking jawn is hot and so is this "No Daddy" jernt. It reminds me of Mashonda’s "Blackout" with Snoop and Swizz Beatz which is equally as hot. The hook on this Mashonda shit is so fire.

-e

Me and my brother came out my mother with heat cocked...

Whew... what a hectic weekend. I gotta chill on the drinking. Sheesh. Anyway...

- We Use So Many Snares: An epic piece on reggaeton by the dude Wayne over at wayneandwax. This dude’s blog is worth checking all the fucking time. Super smart, hella readable, and always stimulating. Can’t hate on the we eat so many shrimp title-interpolation. Thanks for the referential shout-out!

- On and Off and On: This month’s Philly Hollertronix was on, then it was post-poned, now it’s back on… but it’s diplo-less and full of b-more in its new shape Voilatronix. Get your head bus’d.

- No Limit: Cocaine Blunts is starting his excursion through the No Limit catalog. I slept on hated on a lot of this shit when it came out because I was a uber-underground-nerd. So, I’m looking forward to being put on to some new old shit that I missed the first time.

- Bjork and Will Oldham: Bomarr posted this Bjork and Will Oldham shiz. Go holler at it before he deads the link.

- Spiders: The following is a story I’m quoting from a messageboard. Maybe only people who are deathly afraid of spiders will find this shit funny (me), but this shit had me dying:

one time i was driving to the movies with my friend, and i was pulling up to a red light when i see this HUGE spider walking across my windscreen from her side to mine, when my friend saw it she screamed like someone was murdering her which nearly made me drive straight through the red light. we were both checking our windows to make sure it couldnt get in.. then it crawled up onto the roof, and i was freaking the fuck out coz i didnt know where it had gone.. thats when my friend told me i shouldve put on my windscreen wipers to push it off.. that sucked, im slow.

we were going to the drive-in, so when we got to the booth to buy our tickets i didnt want to open my window for fear of it dropping into the car, so im yelling through a tiny crack in the window to the guy in the booth asking if there's a spider on the roof- there wasnt. so anyway we're watching the movie from out my back windscreen (my cars back seats fold down, so i had blankets and pillows and stuff) and i see this huge hairy spider leg walking down the side of the windshield, and i couldnt tell if it was inside or out.. turned out it was on the outside, so my friend got out to find it, but we never found it. im scared its still living in my god damn car, and one day itll run out on the inside of my windshield while im driving and ill crash into a powerpole or something. id just washed my car that day too, so i probably had patted it on the head or something while it was hiding down near my windshield wipers, GROSS!

-e

I'm tiiiiiiiiiiiired.

- YAAAAAAAWN: OK, so those of you who don’t know me in person probably don’t know this about me, but I work a 9-5 job on Madison Avenue in NYC (actually it’s 8:30-4:30) Monday through Friday. I also DJ on Thursday nights at a club in Philly called Filo’s. Clubs in Philly close at 2:00. I live in the ‘burbs around 35 minutes away from Philly. So, every Thursday, I DJ until 2:00 AM, wait around until about 2:15 for management to get me my dough, then I whip home and try to be asleep by 3:00 AM so I can wake up at 5:45 AM and head up to NYC for my office job. That, my friends, is grinding… and it’s totally not worth it and I’m totally fucking exhausted every Friday (like right now), but I just wanted to inform you of all this so you will fucking pity me and realize that you are fucking bitches because you get way more sleep than me and I fucking hate you for it. I hate people who get like 6 hours of sleep and bitch and moan and say “Ohhh I need a nap.” Ugh. I just want to fucking sleep right now.

- Larry Brown: I saw Larry Brown on Steven A. Smiths’ show last night. Fuck him. He’s such a smarmy fuck. The thing I hate most about Larry Brown is that… well… that I like him. I have to actually actively HATE on the mother fucker because when I see him in interviews and such, he’s always saying classy shit and being excessively sweet and making complete sense and, quite honestly, he’s pretty got damn convincing with his whole shtick. That’s why I have to ACTIVELY hate on this mother fucker. If I don’t, I might go and be convinced he’s a good, classy dude like the rest of the world seems to believe. But, he’s a fucking fuckhead that’s selfish as fuck and is much more worried about his image as a “good guy” than he is about actually being a good guy. Actions speak louder than words mother fucker and your bullshit-ass posturing will not be tolerated, no matter how convincing it is! He’s still one of the best coaches ever, but fuck him.

- Bansky: Go here. Bansky vs the West Bank. I think Bansky won.

- Trapped in the Closet: If you’re having trouble following R. Kelly’s “Trapped in the Closet” series, never fear! Your savior is here. So dope.

- Jersey: A great post over at the Poetry Society of America. Need proof that it’s great? Peep this: “So I promise myself I will only enter New Jersey again for 4 reasons: Beach, wedding, funeral, greater than but not equal to 38D.” I love this dude’s writing. I do find Jersey-hating to be silly, though.

- Blog-related Depression: Holy shit this is hilarious. Thanks to Dr. Robert for the link.

- Huh?!: The only NBA thing weirder than that Heat trade was Ray Allen’s recent fashion faux-pas. What the hell?

-e

Fuck a job, I'd rather work these blogs...

- The Cure: An absolutely brilliant piece on The Cure. Even if you don’t like The Cure, this is a great read.

- Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy: The complete Deep Thought archives by Jack Handy from SNL. Somebody find the complete “Ambiguously Gay” duo archives for me (and I don’t mean this Ambiguously Gay duo… I keed, I keed).

- Self Referential Aptitude Test: I can’t tell if this is a fake test or not, but it’s pretty damn clever regardless.

- NIN Remix Contest: The only thing really worth saying about this NIN Remix Contest is that on the webpage they say this: “Welcome to what will assuredly become the largest remix event of all time.” Hah. Melodrama at its finest. In semi-related news, I think we can safely say that both the word “remix” and the actual process of remixing are well on their way to being whitewashed. After all, peep the “Wired” cut-and-paste issue. They talk to absolutely no black musicians about “remixing” and, in their huge timeline of “Remix History,” something like 5 of the 80 artists pictured are black. It’s sad. History is being re-written before our eyes and the contributions that black culture has made are being over-looked and shamelessly appropriated.

- Miami Bass: Dope article about Miami Bass.

- WTF: Oliver points out that this is weird. Weird, weird, weird. Serg clears things up in the comments section though. Hah!

- Science is Losing To Religion: Bah! If there is a God, I guarantee he hates his fanatical, idiotic sycophants more than he hates the rest of us. There’s nothing worse than a dick-rider dick-eater (Ed: must update slang).

- Real World: I shouldn’t even have to link this anymore because you should have it bookmarked. Go here for more Real World Austion recap. I’m telling you, it’s better than watching the shit.

-e

It's a new day, and a better day is coming...

- Clean Slate: For better or for worse, I’m starting my 26th year on this earth with a clean slate. This is my year. I’m telling you. Shit’s gwan pop off for me. I’m telling you.

- Nas vs 50: Is this a diss song? I still think “Ether” is the most overrated diss song in the history of rap music. How motherfuckers want to argue that Nas even came close to winning that Jay-Z battle is absolutely ridiculous. I really don’t understand that shit. Anyway, Nas’s biggest flaw as an emcee is he doesn’t know his limits. Dude cannot make a hot party song and dude isn’t really that dope when he’s trying to spit this kind of hard shit. Which isn’t really a bad thing that he can’t do that shit. The bad thing is, he constantly tries to do that shit. Give it up! Just do that street, intellectual thug thing with your moments of brilliant flow and introspective insight and please chill the fuck out on the other shit, dude. Damn. “My raps bring horror like the board of a ouija”? Jesus. You’re embarrassing yourself, dude. Beat’s not bad though.

- Scribble Jam Canceled: I wouldn’t go to another Scribble Jam if my life depended on it. Apparently, this year’s got canceled. Hilarious. This is stupid funny, too.

- Freak bol: Call me a freak bol, but I kinda find the sweaty pics of the Black Eyed Peas jawn hot. I mean, if that’s urine, I ain’t having it, but nothing wrong with a little bit (i.e. a whole fucking puddle) of sweat.

- Homosexuals: I’ve got no beef with homosexual activity. I do have beef with this though. Hilarious. Every mother fucker in that crowd is wearing black too. Silliness.

- Huh?!: For the love of God, please somebody tell me what the fuck Pat Riley is thinking regarding this monster trade.

- Joe Pa: Any contemporary article about Joe Pa that doesn’t use the word “senile” at least once is simply not credible.

- Aaron's Records: Don't forget to buy hot records.

- AI and Steven Smith: Did we see AI on Steven A. Smith’s show “Quite Frankly” the other day? If not, well, you suck. It was great. WPI described it as “like watching two men going down on each other” but that’s so, so wrong. AI is the dude. Steven A. Smith is the dude. Put the two dudes together and you get AI crying when showed video footage of Larry Brown basically saying that Iverson is the hardest working player he’s ever been around, and, of course, you get quotables like this:

-"I came up in the house, with a gun...where I pay the rent...and I came up on...I'm just gonna be straight with yall, 'some dudes that like other dudes'"

- "A rapist, a child molester, man thats the worst thing you could be. CALL me a murderer...somebody come in my house, man, I'll get it done...but a rapist is the worst thing you could be."

-e

Postmortem

Blah. My life is silly and stupid. Anyway, enough about me. My boy Aaron is selling a bunch of old-ish hip-hop records. Go buy some and please just leave me alone.

-e

Old Head Status

- My Friends: Thanks to all my peoples who made it out to Yardley this weekend to make my dumb ass blush. My friends are better than yours. Seriously, I love you all. Thank you. "Old Head" status has officially been acquired.

-e