Friday, April 01, 2005

I TOO WILL DO COMMUNICATIONS!

- Billboards Don’t Lie: Engineers don’t have sex before marriage… or probably afterwards, either.

- Who made this beat?: If you want to know the answer to that question, go here. Quite a dope web site that O-dub’s site put me up on. They’re hating on your boy, though (me).

- Unserious Record Business: Man, oh, man. There’s some hysterical Ebay drama posted on soulstrut. Some German dude bought some record from some American dude and German dude is pissed at the quality of the record and wants to send it back but American dude isn’t having it, so German dude starts sending him these fake emails from this fake Record Association in fucked up English. Peep:

I am the President of the Vinyl-Record Association Germany and one of our Business Partners just informed us about a uncorrect Deal you made through Ebay.We hope that you clear the situation with our Member XXXXXX XXXXXXXXXX, otherwise we will put you on our black List of unserious Recorddealer.We will send out your Ebay Seller Name and your Private Adress (we got from XXXXX XXXXXXXXXXX)to 50000 Members and Recordcollectors Worldwide.Also, we will give 20000 Flyer with your Bad Profil to all RecordFreaks on the worlds biggest RecordFair in Utrecht(netherlands) on the 14-16 April 05.Believe Me we will do that communication!We will protect our Members.Hope you will find the right solution mr. XXXXXXXXXX otherwise you will have big problems .We will disturb your unserious Record Business very much and in every way! You better cooperate.

After being compared to the Nihilists in the “Big Lebowski,” one poster (who speaks English fluently) proposed the following hilarious response to the German email:

Dear Sir, You have commit very serious error. I am president and CEO of Fine Record Enthusiasts And Kollectors (FREAK) of North America. I think you know it is not wise to threaten a person as important as myself. I TOO WILL DO COMMUNICATIONS! I will contact my contacts consisting of 50,001 serious collector also armed foot soldiers. Do you understand what I am saying? Soon you are to be banned from purchasing all GENIUS BLACK MUSIC gems of America. I can do this. No more purchase for you. Also I have alerted the Bush Administration of your plans to llegally reissue Marlena Shaw "Woman of the Ghetto" GENIUS BLACK MUSIC gem. Please assure they take this issue very seriously. Illegal reissue of GENIUS BLACK MUSIC gem funds terrorism. You are clear and understanding yes? Not only is your collection soon to be atomized and the dust to be scattered to the winds but you too to be reduced to subatomic particles after months in secret prison. Plaese to not contact me again. Hahaha! God, I’m dying here… holy shit, that’s funny.

- Professor Slaps Students, Proclaims to be God: Oh word?

- Get off the didick: I link Berube at least every other day. It’s annoying, I suppose, but he’s funny. Anyway, he’s got a new book out that he edited and he wrote a somewhat obvious piece about the Illini’s stupid, ignorant, racist Chief mascot. Even though it’s a pretty obvious criticism, it’s on-point and filled with funniness, which I can’t hate on… and therefore won’t hate on. I really can’t believe institutions of higher education think that this kind of shit is OK. Sheesh.

- Soft hands: I might be the only dude in the world softer than Chris Weber. E’rybody knows this dude is soft, but jesus, man the fuck up, you pussy. You ain’t in progressive-ass Northern Cali no’ mo’! Fucking shoulder sprain. Who the fuck sprains their shoulder? And he’s got a “compressed nerve in his left leg”? Dude, get some real fucking injuries. Break an arm or something. Fucking pussy. Die.

-e

1 Comments:

At 4:45 PM, Blogger LMJR said...

german dude reads like the labels on that dr.bronner's castille soap.

 

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