Take your bitch from the club, make her ass a mule...

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Doin’ it so big, my blog is all disfigured

- A lot of stuff: Holy moly, there’s a whole lotta ish going on in my world right now.
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* First of all, and most importantly, Bo Bliz and I finally released our Electro Cute mixtape. The jawn is a full 70 minutes of ridiculous electro, bmore, Miami-bass, booty, dancehall, and other 130bpm-plus ish. You can paypal emyndandbobliz@gmail.com $7 or you can see me in person and hit me with a $5 piece for the disc. Either way, cop that jawn! Our website is up and running so go there for some free snippets of the jawn to see what it’s all about. Unfortunately, we’ve having some technical difficulties with the “Buy Now” link over on the emyndandbobliz.com site, but click the “Buy Now” button below and you should be all good. If you’re having hella trouble, just email emyndandbobliz@gmail.com and--don't you worry!--we’ll figure out a way for you to give us your money.

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* By the way, we’ve got the White T’s and White Belts CD Release Party for the CD coming up on the first Friday of January too, so be sure to roll through to that. Don’t be Scurred.

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* Your boys Dan the Swede and emynd (me) will be DJing this up-coming Friday at the New Golden Palace on 8th and Washington in the heart of South Philly for the last important part of the year: The Takeout. Seriously though, eff all the New Year’s Eve shenanigans because this is where the party is finna be at, for trill! New Year’s Eve is always an anti-climactic let down, so we’re doing this ish a day earlier for all y’all to get it on some crazy $10 BYOB party ish reminiscent of the epic Child’s Play Halloween Party… except this time, there’s free food until midnight! You can’t beat that with a bat. Sayin’. This Friday, December 30th, 10PM-2AM. Bring a ten spot, a couple 40’s and an appetite and we’ll get it in something surrious.

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* I’m finna be in Ft. Lauderdale next week! I’ma be in town for a conference and while I was tentatively scheduled to go to the Orange Bowl, that ish isn’t happening anymore (unfortunately). Do I know anybody down there? I really don’t know. Holler at me if you’re in the area and let’s catch up. Take me to a record store and/or a strip club and let’s whip over to Dade County and holler at Trina.

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- Chappelle Theory: Things that make you go hmmmm.

- Chronicles of Narnia Rappin’: This hilariousness has already made its internet rounds, but if you missed it somehow, you absolutely need to peep it. It’s crazy delicious.

-e

I put that on e'erythang...

- Rudolph Murked: Peep this display of Rudolph hanging dead from a tree. Christmas decorating at its finest.

- Mike Tyson: Another sad Mike Tyson story crops up. Mike Tyson is the American Dream gone wrong and I’ve got nothing but love, pity, and well-wishes for the dude. Seriously. I’ve probably ranted about this dude on my blog before, but he’s been unfairly exploited since birth and been betrayed repeatedly by people he trusted too easily. Of course, he made some absolutely horrible financial decisions (um, a White Tiger as a pet?) that prepped him for a life of debt, but seeing as that the average American spends about 101% of their income, I don’t know if we can really safely criticize rags-to-riches folks for being financially irresponsible. Anyway, I just feel really sorry for the dude. He got a bum deal.

- Transvestites Bafrooms: I don’t really know what to make of the TV Toilets in Brazil. I do know that my blog is gonna start showing up on some weird sexual google searches. I forecast a “Transvestite toilet sex” search in the next week.

- Perform on That Ass Just like an Assembley: To all my Group Home fans, peep Malachi the Nutcrackers best lyrics. Amazing stuff like “Yo, it's a wonderful world, a world of wonder/I thunder and thunder I won't go under!” and “Nutcracker doin hits by the dozen/When I make moves, I ride the train with my cousin!/ Nowhere near simple/ My mental, flex more complex than Mozart's instrumental!” and “Walk through the valley of death with no fear/I'm knockin' suckas like a runaway deer!” Holy ish this dude is hilarious.

- The Stencil: The stencil shouted me out the other day on their wonderful site. I love them… very much (somewhat homo). Jonesy has an absolutely amazing reminiscent post about the Nautica Van up. ’96 hip-hop fans, stand-up!

- Electro Cute: Did you peep the sidebar? Emynd and Bo Bliz “Electro Cute” Mixtape coming sooner than you think!

-e

RIP Tookie Williams

A moment of silence is in order for Crips founder Stanley “Tookie” Williams who was executed this morning in California. The case is slightly complicated in that he was found guilty and yet refused to apologize or show remorse, insisting on his innocence in the face of (supposedly) overwhelming evidence illustrating his guilt. Whatever the case, the man has certainly come as close to “rehabilitation” as we’re likely to see in any particular murder case—having devoted his life to anti-gang messages and being nominated for the Nobel Peace Prize several times—but, of course, our justice system doesn’t care about that. As much lip-service as our justice system pays to the notions of “rehabilitation” and “prevention,” this murder of an alleged murderer proves quite lucidly that our “justice system” is only about vengeance and nothing more.

Some facts about the case for those interested.

R.I.P. Tookie Williams.

EDIT: Unfortunately, I forgot this in the original post:

R.I.P. to the victims as well: Albert Owens, Thsai Shai Yang, Yen I Yang, and Yee Chen Lin.

-e

Animals, orangutangs....

- Animals Committ Suicide, too: I find something supremely disturbing about these 5 deer who lept to their death. The most disturbing thing about it is the last line: “The carcasses were given to passers-by for butchering.” Something about eating the meat of suicidal wild life strikes me as odd.

- Best Commercial Ever: You ever see that extremely weird Nutrigrain Ad? If you don’t immediately know what I’m talking about, go watch that ish. It’s the best ad ever.

- Comprehensive Riddem Sampler: This is a pretty comprehensive riddem directory of reggae ish, from newschool ish to classic stuff. Dude shows love to some weird riddems and hates on some pretty solid ones, but regardless, it’s a solid directory.

- Sambucks vs StarBucks: The eff? Why the eff is Starbucks acting like this is really gonna affect business? Corn.

- Don’t Run in the Boxing Ring: This dude tries running away from his opponent, jumps on the ropes, and gets walloped. So real.

- Ron Artest: In the immortal words of Lorenz Tate in “Menace II Society, Mr. Ron Artest, “You actin’ like a real bitch right now.” Relying on this “I think Indiana will be a better team without me” BS is so effin’ corny, especially after the love and support the city of Indy showed Artest after last year’s debacle. They need to trade that corn-ball with the quickness. I used to ride for the boy, but this ish is so effin’ corny.

- The Constitution is Just a God Damn Piece of Paper: According to some cornball, our commander in chief called the Constitution “just a god damn piece of paper.” This is from a totally not-so-credible source and makes the Left look like a bunch of whining weenies. Blah. The Left is wack.

- Cops Suck: Proof. I’m all for cop-on-cop violence though.

-e

If we too simple, y'all don't get the basics...

- FreeDarko: Free Darko is an army… and I am officially a part of the Shenanigans. If you’re not in a reading mood, just peep the Shawn Kemp highlights.

- Smut for Smut: Man. This is so awesome: “Atheist Agenda, an atheist group at U Texas San Antonio, staged a ‘Porno for Bibles’ event, where they gave free pornography to people who traded in religious scripture.” It don’t get much funnier than that. Here’s a news story about it.

- Rasputin’s Thang: Apparently, a Russian museum is gonna exhibit Rasputin’s Penis (not this guy). Interesting.

- Next Level: Peep game: next level disc technology that’s finna make CDs and DVDs obsolete. Holograms is what the new millennium is all about it ‘bout it.

- Another Disco D Production: Disco D has been killing it recently. T-Pain’s “ I’m Sprung” remix or in the studio with Spank Rock. The Spank Rock ish is crazy.

- Bill Simmons: Sometimes Bill Simmons is just untouchable. I think his greatness really comes out in his mail bag section where he keeps his response short and funny. For example, when asked what it would sound like to hear the crew of ESPN’s “Sunday Night Football” give a eulogy, Simmons is right on the money, especially with the Al Maguire quotes. Hilarious.

Mike Patrick: Guys, we'd be remiss if we didn't say good-bye to one of the great, great actors of our generation, Pat Morita -- what an actor this guy was! Just a great, great, great actor.
Joe Theismann: Mike, when we talked to John Avildsen, the director of "The Karate Kid," he told us that Pat Morita was one of the greatest actors he ever worked with. I mean, here's a guy who was simply robbed for the 1984 Best Supporting Actor by Dr. Haing S. Ngor.
Paul Maguire: I'm gonna tell you what a great actor this guy was. Watch this clip from the first "Karate Kid" when he saves Daniel-San on Halloween ... watch him jump this fence and take out the Cobra Kai -- here it comes, here it comes, WHAM! BAM! Right there! And look at his feet! See his feet moving! Is this guy something? You think this guy doesn't know karate?
Patrick: What a scene for Pat Morita! HOLY COW!
Theismann: And guys, when we talked to Jimmy Franklin, the head writer for "Happy Days" back in 1977, he told us that Pat Morita was the easiest guy he has ever written for -- and this is a guy who wrote for Pat Schneider, Vic Tayback, Conrad Bain and pretty much every great sitcom actor from that decade.
Maguire: And Joe, you want to talk about a guy who could steal a scene? This guy could steal scenes. He'd steal 'em right out of thin air! And you know the thing about Pat Morita -- when he belted out a line like "wax on, wax off," I'm gonna tell you somethin' right now: You believed him. You waxed on, and you waxed off.
Theismann: I'm not so sure he wasn't the greatest character actor of all-time.
Patrick: What a great, great actor and what a huge, huge loss -- you cannot say enough about it. So long, Pat Morita.

Apparently there’s a lot of hate for these guys out there in the blogosphere. Check here, here, and here. And don’t forget about the drinking game which includes drinking every time Paul Maguire says “I'm gonna tell ya something” or Joe Theismann (the man who once said “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein ”) says “What impresses me most about [insert name of player here].”

-e