Tuesday, March 28, 2006

I'ma a T-R-A-P-S-T-R

And we aint leavin’ till 6 in the morn

- Two T’ings: This and then, for the after-party till 6 in the AM, this. Nuff said. Fo’rillzuhbub.

- NO MORE CONDOMS: This drug my prevent HIV infection. That’s great news for college students and binge drinkers everywhere! But, in all seriousness, “HIV spreads to 10 people every minute, 5 million every year.” That’s pretty insane.

- Teenagers are Getting Less Sleep: Apparently, teenagers are getting less sleep than they used to because of video games. Who in the fuck gives a fuck?

- Drive-In Massage Parlor: This is a great idea… and the government is behind it! I’ve got to say, it’s almost a better idea than my Nap-Hotel where you can rent a room at an hourly rate to take a nap (most likely during lunchhour at work) or take a prostitute and/or loved one there and knock one out real quick.


Friday, March 24, 2006

The Crying Game

"Mommy, are you and daddy getting a divorce because of me?"

- Crying Ass Bitches: It doesn’t take much to make my bitch ass sob like a little baby, but damn straight I’m not gonna fucking cry before the fucking game is over like bitch ass little Adam Morrison did last night. With 2.6 seconds left in the game, dude is sobbing like his daddy just told him he and his mommy are getting a divorce. Dude, buck the fuck up and go win the fucking game, you fucking pussy. That mustache isn’t fooling anyone anymore. Reddick cried, too. What’s with tournament this year? Seems like more and more dudes are going out like crying-ass hoes. I think Reddick’s draft position fell like 15 positions with his dismal performance last night.

- Radiodread: Sometimes I like to post stuff that I know will make my friends vomit. Well, this Radiohead reggae album should absolutely ruin my man D***el’s morning. And, for god’s sake, they called it “Radiodread”! Obviously, they meant this dread and not this one. The Culture Industry is a funny beast.

- Nerds Unite: Junichi from Poplicks has a freaking hilarious post about the unholy union of Transformers and Star Wars. I gleamed the following two bullets from the comments section that followed that post. By the way, speaking of Poplicks, O-Dub’s article about Bay Area rap is a good primer. E-40’s album debuted at #3 on the Billboard charts!! Before you go and try to “ghostride the whip,” peep this dumb shit and this even dumber shit. That second one might ruin your lunch though. Beware.

- Vibrators: Need a present for your 12 year old sister? Look no further than the Hello Kitty vibrator! Also, peep the T-Shirts. Seriously. Do it. Click on that link, then scroll all the way down and explain to me what the hell that shirt at the bottom has to do with Hello Kitty. I’m so confused.

- Jesus: He saves. Also, if you record someone saying “Jesus” and then reverse it, they say “sausage.” Seriously. Try it. I mean, it’s not a clean “sausage” pronunciation. It sounds more like an Eastern European saying “sausage” with an accent, but still. It’s funny. “God” backwards is “dog” and “Jesus” backwards is “Sausage.” If there is a higher power, he likes phallic meat.


Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Back for the first time

+ =

Well over a month ago, the dude Emil told y'all who I am and what I'm about (i.e. Robert, posting in this blog). I didn't show up then, though. Time was, three months ago to the day, I'd apologize to the homie for dropping the ball on him. Since then I learned something: people with newborn babies don't owe anyone apologies. Having a newborn allows me a degree of slack that I've never known. New parents get random gifts, extensions on projects, and incredible parking spots. You have to try it.

So I'm going to be working myself in right about now. I bet Emil thought I'd given up. Jokes on you, Jack.

The rest of this post will be organized like an Emil post, so as not to throw the locals off too hard.

  • On the infamous Papoose/Kay Slay confrontation: What's worse? Ignorance in the form of Kay Slay dissing on the snap dance or, umm, intelligence in the form of this DJ Raedawn character demanding that Papoose "stop the demonic violence"? People talk about what's happened to hip hop and 'O! The Ignorance' but way too often what passes as intelligent in hip hop is fundamentalist Abrahamic bullshit or it's shameless, hoary Marxism, conspiracy theories, and atavistic black Nationalism or it's some crazy space shit that don't make no sense. Sometimes, like this, it's warmed over hippy banalities. It's arrogance without a cause and conflates rebelliousness with petulance. It's always self-serious and might just deserve a beatdown, or at least an ejection from the show.

    Oh and Kay Slay, next time you're in the A, hit up Sevananda if you're hunting for dreads there. I promise they exist.

  • Killrichpeopleandtaketheirmoney.com: Thasss right. The best part is the message to the 1337: pwn t3h government.

  • Ever wonder what the guys who do the voiceovers for movie trailers look like? Me either but still I got a few "oh it's that guy's" out here.

  • Crushed like a bug on the ground.

    "My fellow bandmates are simply too
    colourful and goofy whilst I am rather
    obviously the genius of this programme!"

    - Thom Yorke Going Solo: The boy is doing a solo album? I’m not sure if that's a good look.

    - Women Pleads No Contest for Finger Biting: The funniest part of this article isn’t the finger biting. It’s what the argument was over: a kitten.

    - Judge Halts Sales of “Ready To Die”: Elsewhere I’ve explained why I think intellectual property is a crock of shit, but unfortunately, capitalism doesn’t see it that way and we still have shit like this happening to rappening. Weak.

    - Stop Snitching!: Believe me when I say this: I’ve never smoked weed. Never have and likely never will. Why? The simple answer is that I never really had any desire to do so. The more complicated answer has something to do with the fact that I’ve gone this long without smoking it that I kinda feel like I should stick to my guns and just stay away from the shit. The even more complicated answer has a lot to do with me seeing a bunch of folks I know smoke way too much weed and turn into completely different, wack people while high. An ex-girl of mine was like this and it would drive me fucking insane. So, take not: just because I listen to a great deal of rap music, have curly hair and a beard does not mean I smoke weed. Got it? That being said, I’ve got no beef with anyone who smokes weed and don’t really give a fuck if you do (unless you’re going to be my girlfriend and turn into a heartless, indifferent rock when you’re high). But, if a teacher was nice enough to give me some weed, the very last thing I’d do is snitch on dude. Somebody needs to kick this kid’s ass or bribe DJ Ayres to punch him in the dick (click and scroll down until you see orange text).

    - Adam Morrison: I really don’t fucking like Adam Morrison. I’m not sure why. He’s pretty good. I just think he’s a jack-ass. That’s the great thing about sports. You can totally dislike a guy for no real reason and once pressed to explain it, you can just sort’ve say “I dunno. He’s a fucking jackass” and that’s all you really gotta say. So, mostly: fuck that dude. In other news, my Bracket is kinda jacked. I’m middle of the road in all my pools that I’m in, which basically means I’ve got a chance if Villanova wins it all. Otherwise, I’m kinda screwed. Oh well.

    - Fuck a Spider: I don’t fuck with spiders. Never have, never will. To all future wives: if you are scared of spiders, I can’t marry you because I’m scared of them too and that just wouldn’t work.

    - Shawls: My new pretty-homo fashion accessory? Shawls. I predict TI biting my Shawl game in his next video. Game recognize game.


    Thursday, March 16, 2006

    Pretty Girls Make Graves

    "Pretty girls make graves" is my favorite Keraouc line from his best book

    - Liz from Legwarmers: This jawn Liz from Legwarmers is my new favorite person blogger. Read her shit urryday. She actually updates her shit and does long, interesting, funny pieces.

    - T-Shirts For Sale: Buy T-Shirts from me. I need your money to buy beer.

    - Emynd & Bo Bliz Lemon-Red Mix: Bo and I did a free, downloadable mix for Lemon-Red and it’s the best thing you’ve ever heard. Download it right here.

    - LowBeezey!: Lowbudget from Hollertronix hits us with some mixes of his own from when he was like 16. So trill.

    - Double Helix in Space: Man, the fact that a double helix was spotted in space is pretty fucking awesome.

    - AirCockThrust: Nuff said.

    - St. Patrick was Welsh: Hey Irish people, guess what? St. Patrick was Welsh. Get over it. I don’t mind if you guys drink on March 17, but don’t pretend like this dude has much to do with it. On the bright side, Shamrock shakes are back if you like that sort’ve thing.

    - Die, LB, Die: This is a bit on the old side now, but eff it. Larry Brown sucks. His recently intensified feud with Marbury was entirely predictable, but seeing it play out is pretty fucking pathetic. I want to smack LB in the god damn face. Eff that fucking dude.

    - Get Money: Suing yourself really isn’t a bad “get rich quick” scheme. Didn’t exactly work, but I applaud the effort.

    - Romance: Hmmm. As my buddy Ian so eloquently put it: “Romance is so… depressing.”

    - More Stuff on Cats: I posted about this shit a long time ago, but it’s updated frequently and it’s still as awesome as ever. Put stuff on your cat. Now.

    - Boots from the Coup: My main man CocaineBlunts was kind enough to transcribe a beautiful passage that Boots from the Coup delivered at some hip-hop roundtable. Boots is killing it. Read it or die.